(because you can’t print “Popping My Soccer Cherry” in a family friendly venue)
In the movie, “Yes Man,” Jim Carrey has a line that goes something like, “I just had a Red Bull. I’d never had a Red Bull before. Now, I really like Red Bull, would you like to go get a Red Bull?” He says this really fast sounding like a 33 being played at 45. That analogy will be lost on most people because it refers to a time when people bought music on discs made of vinyl. Then again, I’m old.
I mention this because I just went to a Red Bulls game. If you don’t know, and judging by the turn out, you don’t, the Red Bulls are the New York area’s team (though I blame NJ Transit in part for the attendance). In the days of yore referenced in the first paragraph, some people decided that America was ready for soccer. They set up a team in the biggest market and brought in the biggest name in soccer. As a result, all I can tell you about that league is that it was called the North American Soccer League, Pele was the star, he played for the New York Cosmos, and the league went bust. Oh yeah, the score of almost every game was one to nothing.
No oil has yet been discovered from the remains of the extinct NASL. However, the United States did place a successful bid to host the World Cup in 1994. (We are currently attempting to repeat that feat for 2016.) National pride demanded we pay attention. Though, in New York, the Nation was Italy, or Brazil, or Ireland, or wherever else our parents came from. Attendance and ratings were robust, so people decided that maybe it was time to try again.
Realizing that North American Soccer had about as much in common with Soccer (Futbol) as Canadian Bacon has with Bacon, they decided to call this new version Major League Soccer. There is no truth to the rumor that Bill Gates was offering millions if they called it NASL 2.0.
So, there’s a new league in town. Okay, it’s not so new, but it’s still got the new league smell. None of their games end one nothing- if only because they call it nil. They’ve also brought in other International ideas such as Chivas, Real, United. Irony note United is an international idea here in the U.S., and they play in the Capitol. I guess the idea here is that if they use the terminology of international soccer, they will achieve the success of international soccer.
It’s not a bad premise, I’ll admit, but the rioting is a bit off-putting. In America, when Cleveland Browns fans get rowdy, they cut off beer sales in New York. But I digress. So here I am at my first soccer game. Wait, this is soccer, it’s a match not a game. The New York Red Bulls versus the San Jose Earthquakes. An energy drink pitted against a natural disaster. A thought: Should there be an earthquake in San Jose, which is not beyond the realm of possibility, the emergency workers will need a lot of Red Bull.
I’m watching the game, match, I’ll get used to it, and since I have no clue what’s going on, I’m listening to the live broadcast. There’s about a half-minute delay between the live action and the feed, but since I don’t know what I’m seeing I don’t notice until, only seven minutes in, somebody scores. As this is soccer and I wasn’t expecting any scoring, this came as a surprise. Luckily, I only had to wait another 30 seconds to watch it live. A player named Jorge Rojas scored on a free kick.
Now it’s one-nil Red Bulls, and I think the games over. What do they do for the remaining 83 minutes? It turns out, and this was a shock, that there is nothing in the rules which limit’s a team to one goal! Who knew? This lack of a rule was proven only a few minutes later when Jorge Rojas scored again! This time, he was assisted by a header from Macoumba Kandji off an in bounds, um I mean throw in.
It’s a good thing Rojas didn’t score again, because I don’t think anyone would be able to reach the pitch, that’s soccer for field, with their hat. Not long after that, Kandji assisted on another goal. This one scored by Juan Pablo Angel; another goal I was able to see live thanks to the 30 second delay. Later in the half, Kandji scored a goal himself. I’m guessing that he looked around and there was no one to pass to after he found a hole in the defense. I saw that one live. No, really, I lost the feed.
Now, I’m starting to think that they need to save some goals for the next game. The bad guys managed to score a goal right before halftime, so the word nil had the rest of the night off. I get my feed back for the second half, and 30 seconds after the match ended the final score was Redbulls 4 Earthquakes 1. Some fans attending the match, see, I’m learning, mentioned that they might leave the stadium before it ends out of concern for catching the bus home. My friend said hopefully, the Red Bulls would be up by 3 goals should that happen.
I really like watching the Red Bulls. I’d never watched the Red Bulls, and I just watched the Red Bulls. Would you like to watch the Red Bulls? (go back and read that really, really fast.) Now, I’m going to work on my Soccer to English dictionary. Look for it in stores soon.
